Painful Memories
by Marauders-And-Lily-I-Love
Summary: Sirius shuffled closer to Remus and smiled."Remus... you have no idea how much I've missed you...-"He stopped suddenly.Remus was curving his body away from Sirius, a desperate expression on his face."Wh-who are you?" Read and Review! RLSB
1. Finding You, Losing You

**A/N: This story is dedicated to Jane Buz-Jane! You're absolutely fantabulous! **

**This idea popped into my head... and well, here it is!**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

**7 or more reviews and I'll continue!**

Sirius Black sat on the window seat, staring into the distance. He watched as the sun rose, painting the horizon a glorious orange, mixed with soft blues and purples.

Sirius sighed heavily and ran a hand through his black hair.

Ever since he had got the news, his life had fallen to pieces. He had felt empty, hollow.

Remus, _his _Remus, was gone. _Gone. _

Wait. He wasn't dead. No, he _wasn't_. The Death Eaters had him. Like that was any better.

It was all Sirius' fault. He should have kept an eye on Remus; he shouldn't have let him go on that stupid, _stupid _mission.

When he had found out, his heart had shattered into millions of miniscule pieces; pieces that could only be put back together by the one person who was the reason it was broken in the first place. He had screamed, cried and yelled.

But all the way through the tough time, he had held on to one shred of hope. Hope that they would find Remus and that he would be okay.

Sirius hated how everyone just seemed to give up so quickly. He hated how they all looked at him with pity, how they talked behind his back. Sirius knew they were shocked at how he seemed to hang on, to never give up.

The door to his room shot open and a figure fell through.

Sirius' head whipped round and he stared at the tall thin figure of his godson.

"Sirius! You've got to come quickly!" Harry panted out. His bright green eyes were frantic behind his glasses and his hair was pointing out at all angles possible.

Sirius jumped up from his chair and followed Harry out. "What? What is it?"

Harry only had to say one word. "Remus."

Sirius' eyes widened and he sped up. He ran into the kitchen, the shrieks of his deranged mother's portrait following.

"Where's Remus? Have you found him? Is he okay?...What's wrong?" Sirius looked at the sombre faces surrounding him. "He's not...?"

Albus Dumbledore stepped forward. Sirius immediately looked towards him, noting the absence of the ever-present twinkle in his eye. His heart thudded wildly in his chest.

Sirius' grey eyes were pleading, _begging _Dumbledore to tell him that his lover wasn't...

"No, Sirius, he is not dead."

Sirius flinched at the word.

"He has been found, however. And I'm very sorry to say, but his condition isn't very stable... " Dumbledore's blue eyes pierced his soul, watching Sirius' reaction.

"Well, what's wrong with him?" he asked in a strained voice.

Dumbledore sighed. "I think that you should see him yourself."

He motioned to the fireplace. "He is in the Hogwarts Hospital Wing. Go, I shall follow."

Sirius stepped towards the fireplace on shaky legs. He picked a handful of Floo Powder from the pot on the mantel and threw it into the flames. Sirius climbed in and muttered his destination.

He squeezed his eyes shut, terrified of what he was about to see.

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Sirius ran towards the only occupied bed in the room, his heart pounding. He pulled away the curtains around the bed.

His heart stopped.

Sirius stared at the person in the bed and his heart restarted again. Remus was pale, almost too pale. His eyes were closed, the long lashes just brushing the tops of his cheekbones. Sirius' eyes lingered on his chapped and dry lips.

He looked painfully thin. His cheekbones, as well as his collar bone, jutted out more than usual. Sirius reached out to touch his thin hand resting on the covers. The moment he did, tears slid down his cheeks. His heart seemed to mend itself, sewn sloppily back together in crooked pieces. His Remus was alright. He was _alright_. He was here, next to him and Sirius was _touching _him.

Remus' hand twitched in his grasp, but Sirius only held it tighter.

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Dumbledore stepped into the Hospital Wing, sighing at the many misfortunes the two men had gone through.

He wondered vaguely how he was going to tell Sirius what was really wrong with Remus.

He would be devastated.

Dumbledore walked to the end of the room and stopped behind Sirius. He watched as Sirius stroked Remus' face tenderly.

Sirius, who had noticed his presence, turned around. "He's alright, Professor." He said in a thick shaky voice. "He's alright."

_He is anything but, my boy._

Dumbledore nodded and offered a small smile at his relief.

Remus stirred suddenly under Sirius' touch. His eyes shot open and he gasped.

Sirius stared into the liquid- fire golden orbs. They were wild, burning with intense pain. Remus was shaking, shaking so hard that the tremors shook the bed.

"Poppy!" Sirius yelled frantically.

The strict nurse hurried out of her office and immediately took action.

"Sirius, help him sit up! Professor, can you pass me the potion on the table?"

She waved his wand over his body and frowned.

Sirius shuffled closer to Remus and smiled. "Remus... you have no idea...-"

He stopped suddenly. Remus was curving his body away from Sirius, a desperate expression on his face.

Remus opened his mouth and uttered something quietly. Sirius had to strain to hear, but he caught the whispered words.

"Wh-who are you?"

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	2. Can You Tell Me About Moony?

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Time seemed to freeze. Poppy and Dumbledore stood motionless beside the rigid figure that was Sirius. Everything had gone silent. Sirius couldn't even hear the ticking of the clock or the birds singing outside. They were all drowned out by the loud endless, relentless pounding in his ears.

His stormy grey eyes were wide and disbelieving. His heart was thumping loudly in his chest.

He moved even closer to Remus, his hand outstretched.

"Rem, it's me. It's _me_. Sirius! You know me!" Sirius' voice was thick with desperation and more oncoming tears.

Remus looked at his hand cautiously and inched backwards, so that he was pressing into his pillows.

"I don't know you." Remus confirmed once again. His golden eyes were guarded and empty.

Sirius swallowed. "I've known you for nearly 20 years, Remus! You're my _best friend_! You _have _to remember me, you _have _to!"

Remus shook his head vigourously. "I'm sorry, I honestly don't know who you are!"

"Yes you _do_! You do, Remus, you do!" Sirius almost yelled, crystalline tears trickling down his cheeks. Remus flinched back at the tone of his voice, looking terrified.

Sirius felt a pang of guilt for yelling, especially when he saw the petrified expression on his Moony's face.

But what on earth was Remus playing at? Why couldn't he recognise him?!

He felt a hand land on his shoulder gently. Sirius turned around to see Dumbledore's sad expression.

"I'm sorry, Sirius." He whispered.

"Why? Why is he like this? Why doesn't he know me?" Sirius whispered, hanging his head dejectedly.

Poppy wiped a few stray tears away and replied, "When we found him, he was in a terrible condition. I realised right away that even if we could fix his physical wounds, we had no idea what he had suffered mentally. We had had to just wait and see what he was like when he woke up."

Sirius felt sick. What on earth had those bloody Death Eaters done to Remus? Exactly how much pain and torture had they put _his _Remus through? They would pay for this. They wouldn't get away with something like this.

He looked back at Remus and smiled softly when he realised he was asleep. He looked so peaceful, that it was easy for Sirius to forget the torture he had had to go through.

Sirius turned back to Dumbledore. "Will he ever get his memory back?"

Dumbledore answered this time. "We do not know yet, Sirius. We shall have to wait and see."

"Is there no cure for this?" Sirius inquired desperately, his eyes searching first Dumbledore's face and then Poppy's.

"Not that I know of. In fact, I don't think there is one." Poppy couldn't quite meet Sirius' eyes. "I'm sorry."

Sirius jumped up suddenly, fuming.

"And you aren't even going to try to find one?! Why are you all giving up?! Remus doesn't deserve this! If it was someone else in his place, he would have done everything he could!"

Sirius glared at his former headmaster, shaking angrily.

Dumbledore sighed. "We _are _trying, as hard as we can. Yes, Remus would have done everything he could; Remus is like that, a fighter. And I have no doubt in my mind that he will not pull through."

At the headmaster's words, the energy in Sirius seemed to drain out of his body and he sank onto the bed. He stroked Remus' hand again, staring at his sleeping figure sadly.

_Everything bad seems to happen to you. You don't deserve any of it and yet, you seem to think that you do. You don't know special you are, Remus. Not just for me, but for __**so**__ many other people I know. Please, come back, __**please**__._

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Remus, although he had no idea what was going on, was sent home with Sirius three weeks after that night in the hospital wing.

Sirius hadn't budged from his side throughout the entire period of time. Remus would sit in his bed silently, watching the black-haired man who seemed to know what he wanted before he even asked for it.

Remus was shocked at the amount of care and love in his eyes. How was it even possible it was all aimed at himself? Merlin, he didn't even know him. It was all quite strange. Remus didn't even understand what was wrong with him. Nobody had told him. Remus was, quite literally, clueless.

Sirius' determination also shocked him. He would sit on Remus' bed when he was supposed to be sleeping and he would talk for hours and hours, telling Remus endless stories about his past. Remus' hand would always be enclosed in his. On the first night this happened, Remus had desperately wanted to pull his hand away, the feeling of being touched making him sick. However, after a while, Remus had found Sirius' presence comforting. He also found that on the nights Sirius would sit by him and hold his hand, his nightmares would go away.

Yes, the terrible nightmares that suffocated and choked him would actually _go away_. It was then that he realised that strangely enough, he _needed _Sirius. This scared him. He had never needed anyone quite like he needed Sirius.

Sirius was the only that could touch him without Remus flinching or pulling away. Remus wondered why this was, and his only answer was that Sirius was always touching him and he had gotten used to it.

His nightmares were terrifying. Most of the time, everything was completely black. Sometimes all he would hear were screams; long, drawn out, piercing screams. And there would be bright endless flashes of green light. There would sometimes be cackling laughter and red eyes.

This was why he stayed awake so late. Yes, he liked listening to the stories Sirius told him, but hiding away from the nightmares was his main reason.

And then there were the stories themselves.

Remus would listen to them raptly and at the same time he would have to try to hold in his laughter at some of things Sirius would tell him. And Remus noticed, he nearly only ever talked about four people: a James, a Harry, a Lily and a Moony.

And after every story he heard, Remus felt like he knew these people just a tiny bit more than the last time.

Except for one person. Moony. From what Remus had heard about him from Sirius, he had gathered that he was an extremely special person in Sirius' life. Sirius' facial expressions when he talked about him were more than enough evidence. His entire face would light up and his eyes would dance. Sirius looked at least ten years younger at these times.

Remus would find himself entranced, marvelling at the affect the name, just the _name, '_Moony' had on Sirius.

Remus wanted to know more about this Moony. Sirius had gone on and on about James, Lily and Harry; naming all their small quirks and habits. When he had begun to talk about Moony, however, he had gotten this small secretive on his face and simply shut up.

So Remus decided to address the matter.

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It happened on the last night they were staying in the hospital wing. Sirius was telling Remus about a time when Moony had pulled an amazing prank on the entire school without telling his friends. Remus had to fight down a grin as he listened.

When Sirius had quietened down after finishing, Remus spoke. He opened his eyes slowly, taking in the sight of Sirius simply staring at the ceiling forlornly.

Remus took a deep breath.

"Can you tell me about Moony?" he whispered.

Sirius' head whipped towards Remus so fast it clicked. He winced and tried to tug his hand out of Remus' so he could rub it. His hand wouldn't budge. Remus was holding tightly within his and when Sirius saw his expression, he stopped tugging.

Sirius realised the Remus needed the contact and allowed Remus to tighten his grip even more.

_Can you tell me about Moony?_

"What are you doing awake?" Sirius asked.

"I was listening to your story." Remus replied truthfully.

"Ahh..."

_Can you tell me about Moony?_

"You asked me a question, what was it?"

Remus pulled their clasped hands closer to him. "Can you tell me about Moony?" he asked again softly.

Sirius swallowed. "What would you like to know?"

"Does he have any quirks? What does he look like?"

Sirius smiled at Remus, his eyes glazing over.

"Whew, where should I start? Okay, hmmm.... _quirks_." At this point, his voice took on a distinct dreamy quality.

"He has five different smiles; one when he is being sarcastic, one when he is being polite and one for his circle of friends only. Then there are my two favourites; a cheeky grin which makes me fall in love with him over and over again and then his crooked smile which _actually_ drives me _**crazy**_. When he is concentrating or absorbed in a book, his face takes on this adorable expression where his tongue sticks out of his mouth ever so slightly and his eyes are clear and determined. And when he laughs, its' so rare, I have each one committed to memory. It's a musical sound and I used to do everything I could to hear it."

Sirius stopped here to recollect his thoughts and then began again.

"_Looks._ He's tall and lean, with the softest skin I have ever touched. His hair is beautiful; soft and silky, almost straight and a good length. When we were younger, my hands would be planted in those locks almost permanently. His lips. His lips are oh-so soft and pink and... hmmm..."

Sirius grinned slightly as his eyes fixed upon the blush spreading over Remus' cheeks.

"But his eyes are my survival. One look from those eyes and I'm satisfied. One look from those eyes is all I need to get me through the day."

Sirius' own eyes bore into Remus' and he had to catch his breath.

Sirius was whispering now. "Moony's eyes are stunning. They are like liquid- fire, always _blazing_ with intensity and emotion. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful."

"Why do you love him so much?" Remus breathed, vaguely hoping Sirius wouldn't be offended.

Sirius shrugged. "Why is the grass green? Why are the skies blue? I don't know. I just do. It's natural for me. I can't imagine a life where he isn't mine."

Remus' eyes began to droop but he asked one last question. "Where is he now?"

Remus stayed awake just long enough to hear the whispered answer.

"In my heart, Remus...In my heart..."

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And that's how Dumbledore found them the next morning; Sirius kneeling on the floor, his head leaning against the bed and Remus lying close to the edge of his bed, his head cushioned by their clasped hands.

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	3. Tonks Builds A Pancake Mountain

**Ahh, I think I really mucked up this chapter...but review anyway!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

Sirius and Remus arrived at Number 12 Grimmauld Place in the later part of the evening. As they entered, Sirius held a finger to his lips, signalling for Remus to be quiet. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to wake up his _lovely _mother.

Everybody in the house was seated at the dinner table, eating and laughing. When Remus and Sirius entered, all action froze and there was a stunned silence. Remus looked around nervously, swallowing. He could _feel_ all the eyes boring into him, as well as seeing them. Remus shifted uncomfortably, moving backwards, so he was shielded by Sirius' body.

"Remus!" A high- pitched cry pierced the intense silence and a blur of pink hurtled towards the werewolf. Remus flinched as he felt arms wrap around his waist. His mind went into overdrive. Who the hell was she? Why was she touching him? Was she going to hurt him? Remus' breathing sped up and he glanced desperately towards Sirius, who took immediate action.

"Tonks, don't crowd him. Let go." Tonks stared at Sirius defiantly. Why should she? Why the hell was he getting so angry?

Sirius glared at her when she didn't move. Couldn't she see how uncomfortable she was making him?

"Let go of him!"

Tonks frowned at his tone and reluctantly unwound her arms from Remus' waist. "What's wrong?"

"Remus doesn't like to be touched." Sirius replied, frowning, to the pink-haired girl. He then turned to Remus and said in a much gentler tone, "Come on, Remus, sit down and eat something."

Remus looked at the rest of the bewildered occupants at the table and glanced at Sirius unsurely.

Sirius nodded encouragingly. He sat down at the table, gently pulling Remus down on the chair next to him. There was a long, uncomfortable silence as everybody watched, wondering what was happening and not sure if they should help.

After a few seconds of everyone fidgeting and clearing their throats, a soft voice broke it. "Hello, Professor. It's really good to have you back."

Remus looked over to the other end of the table where a girl with bushy brown hair and chocolate coloured eyes was sitting. She was smiling gently at him, her eyes shining at the sight of her favourite professor.

Sirius grinned at her gratefully.

Remus gave a small, shy nod, glancing at Sirius again. _Professor?_

And then everyone started speaking at once. Many things were said, ranging from a loud, endless chant from the Weasley twins, _"Remus is ba-ack! Remus is ba-ack! Remus is ba-ack!" _to the motherly tones of Mrs Weasley _"Now, dear, you need to eat, you look thin. Here, have some potatoes. And after dinner you make sure you go to sleep. You look like you need to. I'll help you unpack, dear, don't you worry..."_

Remus simply nodded and smiled. He didn't know what else to say. He didn't even know who these people were and yet they were all so happy to see him. Remus was just so confused.

It didn't matter at all that everything was so loud and raucous; he was getting a horrible headache. But, of course, he didn't say anything; it would be impolite to leave half way through a meal.

Sirius, however, noticed his discomfort and grasped Remus' fingers under the table, softly entwining them with his. Remus exhaled loudly and his tense muscles relaxed slowly. He didn't know what, but there was something about Sirius that just calmed him down and made him feel like everything would be okay.

Remus held onto Sirius' hand throughout the whole dinner, scared of losing the warmth Sirius provided.

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Harry stared at the two men at the other end of the table and his face split into a wide grin. He was absolutely ecstatic that his favourite professor/werewolf had returned.

The man was like family to him and Harry had been devastated when he had been captured. Harry didn't want Remus to become yet _another_ person who had had to sacrifice his life because of him.

And even though Dumbledore had told everyone about Remus' condition and how there was no cure for it, Harry knew, inside his heart, that under Sirius' care Remus would **definitely** recover.

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It was the first night Remus was going to sleep on his own. And frankly, he was terrified.

The nightmares would return. He was sure of it.

When he had been in the Hospital Wing, he had always had Sirius with him. He had always sat with Remus until his stories lulled him into a nightmare-free sleep.

But now, he had his own room and so did Sirius.

Remus turned in his bed and sighed into his pillow. He desperately wanted to go and stay with Sirius but he couldn't. He wouldn't. Remus _had_ to learn to walk on his own two feet again. He couldn't always be dependent on Sirius.

Remus heaved another sigh and his mind wondered back to that night that Sirius had told him about Moony to distract himself.

_Remus' eyes began to droop but he asked one last question. "Where is he now?"_

_Remus stayed awake just long enough to hear the whispered answer._

_"In my heart, Remus...In my heart..."_

He wondered vaguely why Sirius had given this particular answer. Did it mean that Moony was dead? Or had he gone somewhere? Remus dwelled on this for as long as he could; he _was_ genuinely interested in the answer but stopping sleep was his first priority right now.

Remus tried. He really did. He tried _so_ hard to keep his eyes open but his attempts were fruitless.

His eyelids drooped slowly and sleep claimed him.

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_The lady had knotted, black hair. Her eyes were dark, almost black, with pure malice shining in them. He shivered._

_She inched closer, her face wild and crazed. He stumbled backwards, looking around. There was no where he could hide. Everything was __**black**__. It was like they were in space. Except there were no stars._

_There was no exit, no doorway out of here. He was trapped. _

_She cackled madly. It was a terrible sound. A sound that sent shivers down his spine and gave him goosebumps. _

_His breathing grew sporadic and his heart was thumping. Then suddenly he couldn't move anymore. It was like he was stuck. He struggled desperately but it was pointless._

_The woman was so close now, her face only a few inches away from his. From here he could see the fierce disgust and rage in her eyes._

_She raised her wand..._

"Argh!!"

Remus shot up in his bed, hysterical cackles ringing in his ears. He was panting as though he had just run a marathon. He was covered in a layer of cold sweat. Remus' breathing was erratic, coming out in short sharp gasps.

He rubbed his hands over his eyes and tried to remember his nightmare. There was a woman... Did he know her? _How_ did he know her? Remus shook his head. He ran a trembling hand through his hair and swallowed the lump in his throat.

He stared around the dark room, suddenly feeling horribly alone. So, making a decision, he got up shakily from his bed and made his way to the door.

Remus stepped into the corridor, his bare feet making no noise as he padded to Sirius' room.

Once there, he stopped. Should he knock? Or should he go straight in?

Remus raised a fist and knocked lightly on the door three times. There was no answer. He pressed his ear to the door and heard nothing. Remus was beginning to have second thoughts. What if Sirius got mad at Remus for disturbing him?

_He __**did **__say that he would be there for me if I needed him. _

Remus bit his lip. He slowly turned the doorknob and entered the room.

He walked over to the bed and had to fight not to burst into laughter. Sirius was sleeping on his bed horizontally, his hand hanging off one edge of the bed. His mouth was hanging open and his arms spread wide on the bed.

After Remus managed to control himself, he gently shook the black-haired man's shoulder.

"Sirius. Sirius, wake up!"

Sirius snorted in his sleep, then moaned, "Moony...hmm...Yeah...hmmm..."

Remus froze and pressed his lips together, suppressing a giggle.

After he had recovered, Remus shook his shoulder again.

"Sirius! Wake up!"

"Nooo... five more minutes Moons...it's your turn to make breakfast..." Sirius mumbled.

That was the last straw for Remus. He burst into laughter, surprising himself. It was the first time he had laughed since he had met Sirius and, strangely, it felt good.

Sirius' head jerked up and his eyes flew open. He maneuvered himself so he was lying on his bed properly, yawning.

He looked at Remus and his jaw dropped. Remus was laughing like a loony! His face was red and his amber eyes were sparkling. The sound itself was magic to his ears; he hadn't heard him laugh in Merlin only knows how long. Oh, how he wanted this moment to last...

Sirius couldn't help but grin. "What are you laughing at? It better not be me!" He teased.

Remus' laughs faded and a bright smile lit his face. "You talk in your sleep, you know."

"I do?" _Funny, Moony never told me that... Oh, why that cheeky little sod._

"Yeah..."

Sirius stared at Remus' smiling lips and had to stop himself from just jumping on him and snogging him into oblivion.

"What did I talk about?"

"Moony..." Remus blushed slightly.

"Ahh." Sirius smirked and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Remus blushed even harder.

"So I assume you wanted to talk to me about something?" Sirius asked.

The smile fell off Remus' face. "Um, I- I erm... had a nightmare... and um I was wondering....-"

Sirius' face softened and he gave a sad smile. "You wanted to stay with me?"

Remus looked down at the bed covers, thoroughly regretting coming here. "If you don't want me to, then I'll go-"

"No!" Sirius interrupted loudly. Remus jumped. "I mean, of course you can stay here. You don't even have to ask me!"

"Are you sure?" Remus asked uncertainly.

"Don't be silly. Come on."

Remus crawled to the top of the bed and lay down.

"Don't worry. I'm here. You'll be safe."

Sirius pulled the covers over Remus and then joined him. Remus felt the comfort and warmth radiating off Sirius' body. Without thinking he snuggled closer to the man, taking his hand.

Sirius smiled to himself; it was almost like old times... _Almost._

"Thank you so much Sirius. For everything." Remus whispered suddenly into the darkness.

"No problem, Remus..." Sirius replied softly.

After about ten minutes of comfortable silence, Sirius lifted his head off the pillow.

"And just a warning- I kick in my sleep."

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Remus woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. He yawned and stretched, nearly hitting the man beside him.

"Morning, Sunshine!" Sirius said cheerfully.

Remus looked to the side and saw Sirius lying on his side, gazing at him with clear grey eyes.

Sirius was feeling extremely happy today. Remus had slept in the same bed as him! It made him smile just thinking about it. It made him want to sing (but he didn't, he really didn't want Molly yelling at him again for shattering her children's ear-drums) and dance (he didn't do that either. Molly always spoiled his fun).

Sirius cocked his head to the side and smiled at Remus. His honey-coloured locks were tousled and his eyes were half-lidded. Merlin's beard, he looked beautiful.

"You hungry?"

Remus nodded silently. Had he really slept in Sirius' bed? Oh God, what must Sirius be thinking of him now? He scolded himself for acting so childish and immature. Remus was an adult. He shouldn't be sharing a bed with someone else just because of a stupid nightmare!

"Hey, are you okay?" Sirius asked tenderly, registering Remus' silence.

Remus bit his lip. "Sorry about last night. I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just-"

Sirius rolled his eyes, suppressing a chuckle. "Silly. Of course I'm not upset!" Sirius shook his head exasperatedly. "You didn't disturb me, don't worry."

Remus managed a grateful smile.

"So, you up for breakfast? I hear Molly's making pancakes!"

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Sirius bounded down the stairs, pulling Remus along with him.

He had to have those pancakes! Pancakes were _good_.

They entered the kitchen only to be pelted by enthusiastic greetings by its occupants. And one person seemed almost too enthusiastic.

The pink-haired girl - what was her name again? - waved at Remus almost violently, almost whacking poor Fred in the head. "Remus! I saved you a place next to me!"

Sirius glared at his cousin when he realised that there was only one seat next to her, which was saved for his poor werewolf. Very clever of her. She knew that Remus was too polite to refuse.

Could she not catch a hint?

Remus walked over to the empty chair in the fashion of someone walking to his death.

Tonks grinned at Remus, the brightness of it almost blinding the werewolf.

"Here you go, Remus!" She piled his plate high with pancakes, squirting each of them with huge amounts of maple syrup.

He felt slightly sick. How could he refuse eating all that without being rude?

Tonks, noticing his reluctance, lifted up his fork and cut a bit of the top pancake, holding it to his mouth.

Sirius was watching with narrowed eyes. Merlin, for a twenty-something year old, she really was annoying.

"Come on, Remus, you need to eat." she said sternly.

Remus looked over to Sirius with wide eyes.

Sirius half stood up from his chair, meaning to make his way over to them when he froze.

Tonks had grabbed Remus' hand, which had been lying on the table. She squeezed it and then said, "Come on, eat up."

Remus snatched his hand away almost violently, shocking everyone at the table.

Sirius had enough. He kicked his chair to the side and stalked over to their side of the table. He picked up the plate and emptied its contents into the bin.

Sirius turned back to the rest of the table. "Remus doesn't like maple syrup; he likes chocolate sauce." He glared at Tonks frostily. "And I think that _I_ should sit next to him, Tonks."

Yes, Tonks _was_ his cousin and yes, he loved her. But Remus was his and even if Tonks didn't know that, Sirius had told her only yesterday that he didn't like to be touched.

Tonks opened her mouth to protest but stopped when Sirius raised an eyebrow at her, daring her to question him.

She moved silently and the entire table watched as Sirius took her place and turned to calm down a shaking Remus.

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	4. I Love You Too, Padfoot

**Hope you enjoy this!**

**I'm not that sure about this chapter, so let me know what you think!**

"I'm scared, Sirius."

Sirius rubbed the tawny-haired man's back soothingly.

"You don't need to worry; I'll be there with you."

"I still can't believe you waited to tell me about this only two days ago." Remus muttered, glaring at the man next to him out of the corner of his eye.

Sirius flushed a little. "Sorry...I just completely forgot."

"You _forgot_ to tell me I was a werewolf?" Remus quirked an eyebrow.

"I said I was sorry!" Sirius pouted. "Let's just go already."

Remus hesitated. "Will it hurt?" he whispered.

Sirius stared at the desperate, unsure expression on Remus' face and couldn't bring himself to tell the truth. His heart twisted in his gut and he felt sick.

"No."

Remus' expression cleared slightly, but a small amount of doubt still remained. "Okay then...That's good. How will it happen? How will I change, I mean?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "Um..."

"Well?"

"I- um-...can't describe it..." Sirius averted his eyes from Remus' curious expression. Remus frowned and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Sirius.

"Come on, let's go!" Sirius ushered Remus towards the flames in the kitchen. Sirius had decided it would be best for Remus to transform in the Shrieking Shack rather than in the basement of Grimmauld Place.

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"What is this place?" Remus shivered as he walked up the creaking steps after Sirius.

"It's called the Shrieking Shack." Sirius whispered.

Remus swallowed. He looked around the blood- splattered walls and a shiver went down his spine.

"Are you sure it won't hurt?"

Without turning around, Sirius nodded.

He closed his eyes, trying to stop the flow of oncoming tears. Tonight was going to be terrible.

He could feel it in the air. Sirius desperately wanted to turn around and tell Remus that this was all a big prank, and that he wasn't _really_ a werewolf, and that he didn't have to go through all the pain that was sure to come.

Sirius suddenly stopped outside a closed door. Remus almost crashed into him.

"This is it. Come on."

Sirius gently took Remus' hand and pushed open the door. The door creaked as it swung open, revealing the inside of the room.

Remus almost vomited. There was blood everywhere; covering the walls, the floor, the tiny window in the corner and even the bed sheets. And then all of a sudden, voices exploded in his head.

_"How do you through this every month, Moo-?"_

_"....I give you Prongs, Wormtail and Pad-"_

The dark stains teased him. And somehow Remus knew that his blood would soon also be on those walls. He tightened his grip on Sirius' hand, his breathing getting faster and faster.

_"We're going to call you Moon-"_

He lifted his free hand to his forehead, kneading it with his fingers.

_"So much blood..."_

_"Sorry baby, I didn't mean to! I really didn't, for-"_

Images of blood stained walls and floors whirled around in his brain, making him feel dizzy and sick. He leant heavily on Sirius, burying his face in his shoulder. The voices in his head, the blood, the fear and the images of the blood made his head pound furiously. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as the voices got louder.

_"How could you?! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!?" _

_"You're a dirty, FILTHY BEAST!"_

Sirius looked down at him, concerned, and gently guided him to the bed.

Remus whimpered. He felt like his head would burst in pain.

Sirius sat him down and gently held Remus' shoulders to still him. Reaching up with his hands, Sirius softly began rubbing his neck. Remus eyes fluttered shut and all the voices seemed to soften into quiet lulling sounds.

_"I love you, Moony."_

Remus' eyes snapped open.

And that's when it happened.

Remus screamed suddenly. He felt and _heard _all his bones break with a sharp snap. His back arched on the bed as his spine curved and his legs and arms elongated. His screams of pain transformed into long piercing howls of agony as his jaw grew longer into a snout with fangs. Fur sprouted all over his skin like sharp needles.

Remus' soft, agony-filled amber eyes closed and opened again, except this time with eyes that screamed hunger and rage. They were like white hot molten liquid fire, staring daggers at Sirius frozen form.

Remus was gone. The wolf had come out to play.

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It was at eight o'clock the next morning that Sirius first stirred.

He yawned and rubbed the sleep in his eyes away. Realising that there was something soft -but firm- in his arms, he looked downwards.

It was Remus. Sirius heart clenched at the sight and he cursed violently.

Remus' thin lean body was scarred and there were many fresh wounds. And as Sirius fixed his eyes on each one, he felt as though he had been stabbed in the heart.

The wolf had been furious last night. He had not paid any attention to the shaggy black dog behind him. No, he had howled and thrown himself at anything solid, doing anything to try and get out of this _prison_.

It wasn't one of the first times Sirius had felt completely useless.

Remus turned in his arms and snuggled into his chest.

Sirius stroked the soft honey-coloured locks sadly and sighed.

Remus' eyes fluttered open and his amber eyes landed on Sirius.

"I thought-..you said it wouldn't hurt..." he croaked.

Sirius bit his lip.

"Sorry...I just- I... thought- Um..." he stuttered.

Remus managed a faint smile. Sirius unwrapped his arms from around Remus and sat up. He then gently pulled Remus to him, so he was lying down against Sirius, his head cushioned on his bare chest. He pulled out his wand and began to heal his cuts and gashes as best as he could.

"I'm sorry." Sirius whispered when he was done, pulling the blankets over now sleeping Remus and him. "I'm sorry."

Unable to help himself, Sirius buried his face in his hair. "Sorry," He repeated, over and over again.

Remus turned over in his sleep and breathed, "I love you too, Padfoot..."

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	5. Realisation

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Sirius' heart continued to pound as he carried the sleeping werewolf to the hospital wing.

What on earth could this mean? Was Remus getting his memory back?

The last shred of hope left in his body seemed to grow. Yes, just by a miniscule amount, but it did.

_I love you too, Padfoot._

He hadn't heard those words in _such _a long time.

And to hear them coming from _this _Remus, the one who had absolutely no memory of him, was so unbearably heart-breaking.

Sirius felt close to tears, which was odd because he had thought he had run out of them long ago.

Sirius entered the castle, breathing heavily. Remus was relatively light but it was a long walk through Hogsmeade.

He froze when he heard voices.

_Shit._

"Minister, you must understand-"

"Understand what? This is the fourth time you've called me here, Dumbledore, and for what? There is simply no logic in your explanations."

"Cornelius-"

"Voldemort cannot be back. It is not possible. Simply _not possible._"

Sirius whipped his head around, looking for somewhere to hide. The voices were coming steadily closer and he could now hear footsteps.

"The whereabouts of Sirius Black, however, is something I am very interested in, Dumbledore."

Sirius heart sped up. _Shit, shit, shit, shit._

"I assure you, Minister, as far as I am aware, Sirius Black has left the country."

_I have to hide. _

Sirius looked around frantically, shifting Remus in his arms.

_There._

He moved quickly, silently creeping into the small, dark niche just outside the Hospital Wing.

_Damn it, I was so close to getting in._

As Dumbledore and Fudge walked past, he prayed to God that they wouldn't be seen. If he was caught, everything would go wrong. Dumbledore and Remus would almost definitely be blamed and Hogwarts would be deemed unsafe.

"Yes, however, we have received intelligence that he is, in fact, in London. Strange, don't you think Dumbledore?"

"Why strange, Cornelius?"

"Because....-"

Their footsteps and voice gradually faded away and Sirius could breathe again.

_How could he possibly know that I'm in London? Have they been spying on me? Has someone betrayed us?_

Remus stirred in his arms and he was snapped back into reality.

He hoisted Remus more securely in his arms and ran into the Hospital Wing.

"Poppy!"

The nurse hurried out of her office and she sighed in relief when she saw who was there. "I was expecting you both quite a while ago. I got so worried!"

"Sorry. We had a few disruptions on the way here, but you don't need to worry."

Sirius walked to a bed and gently placed Remus on it. He stretched out his arms, sighing.

"Now, Mister, you need some sleep. Don't make that face at me! Bed. Now."

"Yes, mum." Sirius muttered yawning.

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_**"I love you, Moony."**_

_Remus' eyes snapped open._

The pain was over-powering, sharp bolts of it raced all over his body. His muscles were sore and aching, his body bruised and cut. He wondered vaguely how he could have apparently gone through this every month of his life since he was six.

Remus groaned almost inaudibly as he tried to sit up.

"What do you think you are doing?! Lie down, now!"

Poppy's loud, indignant command rang in his ears and his head was spinning.

"Poppy, it's okay, I'll keep an eye on him. You go back to bed."

"Sirius-"

"Poppy."

"Fine. But if I hear anything..." she trailed off, the warning evident.

"Don't worry."

Remus felt hands on him, gently lowering him onto the bed again. Then those very same hands were on his forehead.

Almost immediately Remus sank into darkness.

_There was a bed. Like the one Remus was in now. _

_A young man was in that bed, his tawny locks spread around his head like a halo. Another young man sat by him, holding his hand._

_Sirius. _

_The man in the bed also looked strangely familiar._

_An agonized pale face, painful hopeless amber eyes, chapped dry lips. _

_Covered in bandages._

_He groaned in pain and a few tears trickled down his cheeks._

_Sirius whispered something, wiping the tears softly. "Moony, Remus, Moons- go to sleep. Sleep, love." _

_Sirius lifted his hands and placed them on Remus' forehead, massaging it..._

Remus arched off the bed; he felt like his head was going to implode. Gasping, he grabbed Sirius' wrist, coming to a sudden realisation.

_"Black doesn't love you. He's using you. You're nothing but a toy to him."_

_"No. That's... He loves me!"_

"Sirius..."

"Remus! Remus, what's wrong?!"

_"I am going enjoy breaking you, Remus Lupin. Oh, yes, I am going to **love **this."_

"I- ahh!"

_"Remus Lupin, I hereby dub thee Messr Moony- The brains and the glue of the Marauders."_

"Who-... I-"

Remus pulled himself up and grabbed Sirius' neck, so they were face to face.

Sirius gasped in shock. Tears glistened on Remus' lashes, his face flushed and gaunt. His eyes were hysterical, desperate. His lips trembled as he tried to verbalise his incoherent, sudden thoughts.

"What? Remus!? Please, what's wrong?" Sirius was really beginning to panic now.

"Am...-I..."

"Are you what?"

Remus' back arched suddenly and he fell back on the bed, pulling Sirius with him.

_Pain. So much pain. Too much pain._

_Hurt. Ache. **Agony**._

_His heart was breaking, shattering into millions of tiny pieces. They were all gone._

_His pack was gone. _

_He was screaming, long and piercing; the very sound tearing his throat apart. He broke._

_Pain. So much pain. Too much pain._

_Empty. Hollow. **Dead**._

_Screaming..._

"Moon-.." Remus pulled in a shaky, hysterical breath. "Moony..."

"Remus! Please, calm down! What's wrong with you?! POPPY! Quick please! POPPY!" Sirius felt tears trickle down his cheeks. What on earth was wrong?

**Oh God, _please_ don't let anything happen to Remus. Please. Please, don't do this to me again!**

He didn't know what he would do if anything happened to him. Sirius stared at the man he still loved more than anything and anyone and felt his heart break.

Remus was trembling, his tremors shaking the bed, still gasping for breath. He was mouthing something to Sirius, begging him to understand, begging him to answer his questions.

"Sirius... I..." Remus whispered shakily.

"Shh," Sirius placed a finger on his lips, "Shh, everything's going to be okay."

_"Can... Can I kiss you?" Soft lips touched his, moulding against his own. The lips sent shivers up and down his spine and awakened a burning passion within him, making him gasp. _

"What? What is it?!" Poppy ran into the room, her eyes wide with panick and worry.

"I don't- quick- he's having some kind of-.. of- fit!" Sirius gestured frantically. "Please, I beg you, help him!" Desperation coloured his tone and stabbed Poppy in the heart. Everything was going so wrong.

"Oh my God. Sirius, quick, pass me the potion on the top shelf in my office. Now!"

Sirius leapt up and was about to leave when he felt Remus snatch his sleeve. He was almost afraid to look back.

"Sirius- stay with me... It- it really hurts..ah!" Remus winced.

Sirius swallowed at his plea.

"I'll be right back. I promise." He pulled his sleeve away and ran into Madam Pomfrey's office.

When Sirius finally came back with the potion, he found Remus sitting against the headboard, with Poppy by his side. Remus was sweating, drawing in heaving breaths.

"He's better now, it was just the after effects of the moon. I think he wants to ask you something." Poppy gave Remus an encouraging smile. "When you are done, call me and I'll give you the potion, we can stop these fits of yours." And with that she strode back into her office, subtly wiping her eyes.

Sirius placed the potion on the bedside table and took her place next to him, placing a comforting arm around him.

"What happened to me?" Remus whispered forlornly, drawing in a breath of air. "It hurt_ everywhere_ and I saw- people. I saw... you and... me.... I heard things... Confusing things. I just don't understand. What have I done to deserve this? Why is this happening to me?"

"Because," Sirius began fiercely, "there are some people out there who hurt and torture people for amusement. And you do not deserve any of this. None of it. Understand?"

Remus stared down at his bedcovers.

"Can I ask you something else?" he asked, biting his lip.

"Shoot."

"Will you tell me the truth?"

"Yes, of course."

"Promise?" Remus looked up at him expectantly.

"Promise. Now ask me."

Remus cleared his throat.

"Uh...Am...Am I Moony?"

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	6. Losing Strength

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Sirius froze.

His heart seemed to stop; he could almost _feel_ his pulse halt. Sirius' eyes widened in shock as he registered what Remus had just asked him. How on earth had Remus even realised? Had Sirius unknowingly given something away? Or was he regaining his memory? In which case, wouldn't he have told Sirius? The stormy grey eyes were focused on the werewolf. His dry mouth opened and closed, no words coming out. He couldn't seem to find the words to convey the answer. The answer that he simply did not want to give.

_No. No, you aren't Moony. You aren't __**my **__Moony. You aren't the Moony who knows how many sugars to put in my tea. You aren't the Moony who refused to kiss me when I told you about my secret ambition to grow a twirly moustache. You aren't the Moony who loves me._

Sirius swallowed, his heart suddenly unfreezing and going straight to pounding hard against his chest. His stomach twisted. How was he supposed to do this?

He looked at the werewolf sitting up in the bed, an expectant expression on his face. His amber eyes were searching, begging.

"You are Remus Lupin." Sirius finally whispered, tearing his eyes away from his lover's face. He knew that he hadn't answered the question at all. How was he supposed to? Even if he did, it wouldn't make Remus remember anything. It wouldn't make any difference at all.

Remus stayed silent, watching apprehensively as Sirius lowered his eyes. Why was Sirius acting so evasive? Why he couldn't he just tell him?

"That's not the answer to my question."

"I know."

"Please, Sirius. I need to know." Remus reached out a shaking hand, unable to explain away the sudden urge to touch Sirius' soft skin. His trembling fingers brushed Sirius' cheek and he gazed as Sirius' eyes fluttered shut almost instantly. He could feel the warm breath ghosting over his fingers quicken. "Please?" He whispered.

Sirius swallowed, a tear leaking out of his closed eyelid. "Remus 'Moony' John Lupin is your full name. We named you Moony after we found out you were a werewolf."

And for the first time in such a long time, Remus smiled. And then it suddenly seemed as though the old Moony was smiling at Sirius, laughter and love shining in his eyes and they were telling him, _Tell him how many damn sugars to put in your tea. Tell him about __**all **__your bloody secret ambitions. _

_Tell him how much I love you. _

A smile blossomed on the convict's face, lighting up his eyes. He nodded at Moony almost excitedly, reaching up to hold the hand still on his face. He placed it against his lips and pressed a feather-light kiss in the middle of Moony's hand.

And then Moony seemed to melt away and Remus Lupin reappeared, still smiling at him.

But it wasn't the same.

He looked away. Merlin, how he wanted his old Moony back. Sirius' heart ached and his mind wandered back to the bloody Death Eaters that had done this to him. They had ruined him, broken him, almost _killed _him.

They wouldn't get away with it. No matter what.

"Thanks for telling me the truth, Sirius."

"It's okay, Remus."

"Could you... Could you call me Moony instead?"

Sirius searched the werewolf's eyes, desperation and anger hitting him full force, like a ton of bricks.

He knew what he did next couldn't be blamed on anger or desperation.

But he didn't care.

He still did it.

He did it with his heart in his hands, ready to be broken or fixed.

Sirius leaned forward, his hair falling forwards to cover his eyes. His breath skidded over Remus' lips and he almost passed out when he felt Remus' breath mingle with his own.

He pressed his lips to the lips of the man on the bed, his mind exploding as everything seemed to burst inside of him as he felt the chapped lips against his own. The kiss was only a millisecond long but even then everything seemed to be moving in slow motion for him. Remus was too shocked to respond, his own head spinning and spiraling. The pounding in his head grew to an almost unbearable peak, making him so dizzy and sick he barely noticed Sirius pulling away from him and running out of the Hospital Wing, taking his heart with him.

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Remus clutched at his head, panting and gasping, sweat trickling down his face and back.

His eyes snapped shut as images burst into his head. They played like movies, flipping scenes so fast he almost couldn't catch what was happening.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Hi, I'm Remus Lupin."  
"James Potte.r"  
"Peter Pettigrew."  
"And __**I**__ am Sirius Black- the handsomest, coolest, funniest man on the planet."_

_"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants, eh?"_**  
**  
_"Go out with me Lily, love!"  
"Bugger __**off, **__Potter!"_

_"I give youuuuuuuu... Prongs! Wormtail! Aaaaaaaaand Padfoot!"_

_"It's Sirius...He told... He told __**Snape. **__I'm so sorry, Remus. So__** goddamn**__ sorry."_

_"Get out!"  
"What?!"  
"I can't live with a werewolf. It was the worst choice I could have ever made."_

_"James and Lily are dead, Remus. Sirius betrayed them. He murdered Pettigrew too. I'm so very sorry, Remus."_**Padfoot.**

_"CRUCIO!" a voice yelled, fury and hatred in his voice. Remus screamed, convulsing on the floor, feeling like he was being stabbed by thousands and thousands of knives. He felt disorientated and almost __**crazy**__. He gasped desperately for breath but he could only do so much in the terrible state of pain he was in. Lucius Malfoy lifted up his wand, laughing maniacally, "Do you want me to stop, werewolf?" Remus nodded vigorously, panting. "Are you sure? Beg." Remus looked up at him, a mixture of terror and defiance present in his eyes. "You heard me, half-breed, __**beg**__."_

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Padfoot!" Remus screamed out hysterically, his eyes flying open. They were frenzied; almost possessed. His hands fisted the sheets and he could feel beads of cold sweat trickle down his spine. The room span around him, blurring as it went faster and faster. Remus swayed in the bed and then fell back onto the pillows, his eyes falling shut slowly.

But still, the film played on.

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	7. Together

Gradually, almost imperceptibly, small rays of light filtered through his eyelids. They fluttered open slowly, his head still fuzzy from something he couldn't remember. Mouth opening wide in a yawn, he took in the familiar details of the Hospital Wing. As his eyes got used to the bright lights, his mind seemed to rewind and suddenly everything that had happened smashed into him like a herd of rampaging hippogriffs. Shooting up, he fumbled at the bed covers, desperate for explanations, desperate for normality, desperate for Padfoot.

_The kiss. He ran. Why? Where? Will he come back?_

Remus twisted in his bed, staring at the doors, his heart lurching as he recalled the animagus rushing away, his hand covering his mouth in horror. His head cocked to the side as the Sirius' stricken eyes appeared in his mind. _Merlin, _he swallowed, _how could I not have remembered those eyes? _

Snapping back into reality with a jolt, his amber eyes filled with realisation. He remembered. He _really _remembered. Everything. _Every single goddamn thing._

Something inside him seemed to swell and grow, filled with happiness and joy. Moony. He was Moony. Moony was _back._

And Moony wanted Padfoot. He wanted the 'I-want-a-twirly-moustache' and 'I-like-five-spoons-of-sugar-in-my-tea' Sirius Black. Now.

Heaving a painful sigh, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, slipping his feet into soft slippers. Remus shuffled towards the door and pushed it open, memories flooding back to him of the days when he had to accompany one of his idiotically lovable friends to the Hospital Wing because they had accidentally turned themselves into girls after a spell back-firedand didn't know how to get back to normal, or the days when his idiotically lovable friends had to carry him all the way here from the Shrieking Shack. His eyes glowed as he more and more memories came upon- this time without any traces of pain. A smile lit his face as he relished the memories, images and familiar voices. His contentment shattered as a woman's voice screeched, "Crucio!"

Remus was barely aware of his own scream, lost as it all came back to him.

It all came back to him: the harsh green lights, the yells, the screams, the sounds of the whip. They spun round and round and round and round, making him dizzy. He lurched forward, stopping himself from falling only by clutching on the door.

"You worthless creature, don't you see," the woman taunted, "they haven't found you yet; it's been over three months. They just don't have the time for you. Why would they? It's not as if they love you."

Tears sprung to Remus' eyes. That couldn't be true; Sirius and the others had been so loving and caring. It couldn't be true, it just _couldn't_.

He let go of the door, tears blurring his vision. Of course Sirius loved him! Of course he did. Right? But Sirius had left; surely, if he truly loved Remus, he wouldn't have left him. He stumbled along the corridor, his feet carrying him of their own accord. Without realising where he was going he retraced his way outside, onto the grounds. He stopped in front of the Whomping Willow. Rubbing at his eyes, he stared up at the dangerously swinging branches, his confused mind trying to work out what he had to do. Then, as an enormous branch whipped in his direction, something clicked in his brain and he dived forward, pressing a knot at the base of the tree.

Slowly, he looked up from his position on the ground to see that the branch that was about to hit him was dangerously close to his head. Remus quickly crawled through the tunnel in front of him, the familiar scent of mud and damp earth making his nostrils flare. He carried on crawling, wanting to get out of the small, enclosed space; it was making him feel extremely claustrophobic. Soon, he had arrived at the Shrieking Shack. His eyes widened in shock as he took in the familiar surroundings, the blood splattered on the walls, the broken furniture. Climbing up the stairs, his already shaking nerves jumped every time the steps creaked loudly in the suffocating silence.

Remus froze suddenly. Sniffing the air, he took in the crazily familiar scent of that one person. Sirius.

_Padfoot._

Almost immediately, he followed the scent to the second door on his left. Pushing open the door slowly, he stepped into the room. As he looked around curiously, he spotted a lump under the bed covers. _Padfoot, _his mind and body screamed; he needed to see Padfoot.

The tawny haired werewolf sat down softly on the bed, gently pulling back the covers, revealing the dark-haired man he had been longing to see. Sirius was sleeping, his eyelids fluttering ever so softly every few seconds, making Remus wonder what he was dreaming about. He carefully slipped into the bed next to Sirius, making sure not to wake him up. Remus stared at Sirius for what felt like ages. He touched Sirius' face tenderly, causing Remus' heart to speed up to an alarming rate. His fingers ghosted over the Animagus' face; eyelids, eyelashes, cheekbones, nose, lips. And suddenly everything was so beautiful. Because he remembered. He remembered every line, every mark, every crease in Padfoot's face. Remus felt Sirius' shaking breath wind around his slender fingers like smoke.

Suddenly Sirius stirred and Remus snatched his fingers back in surprise.

As the Animagus' eyes fluttered open, Remus slowly slipped into the bed. He could feel the warmth radiating from the body next to him and he felt strangely comforted.

"Remus," came a soft whisper.

"Hi, Sirius."

"What are you doing here," Sirius sat up slowly as comprehension slowly dawned in his eyes. "Remus, I-"

"Shhh."

Sirius fell silent, swallowing. Why did he do it? Why, why, _why_ did he **kiss **him? What had possessed him to do such a thing?! Shit, shit, shit. He was never going to be able to fix this. But looking up into Remus' eyes, he steeled himself. He had to explain. He needed Remus to understand what this entire thing was doing to him.

_Fuck, how could you be so selfish? Remus has suffered so much, and you're sitting here in the Shack feeling sorry for yourself! What the hell is wrong with you?_

Sirius was just about to open his mouth to say something, when he felt frail fingers land softly on his lips. "Listen to me, Sirius."

He nodded silently, trying not to concentrate on the fingers that lingered on his lips. His mind was going into overload, his heart and body was craving Moony, and here Moony was, touching him.

"On September 1st 1972you barged into the compartment I was sitting in, tripped over your own feet and landed on my lap."

Sirius' mouth fell open. His mind was spinning. No. No way.

"You then leapt up grabbed my hand and introduced yourself as the Mad Hatter."

_Oh my God. Bloody hell. Shit. Wow. Please tell me I'm not imagining this._

"On January 5th 1974,you sat next me in the dorm and asked me that if you were chocolate flavoured would I try to eat you even when the full moon wasn't out."

_Moony._

"You asked me out on the 16th June 1978. We were sitting on the tattered sofa in the common room. Our first kiss was during a Quidditch match; you flew up to where I was standing in the stands, you pulled me onto your broom and you kissed me."

Sirius felt tears trickle down his face. His Moony was back. He was back. Damn it, he was back.

Sirius felt himself trembling, heart racing, blood pounding joyfully through him. His throat was painfully tight. "Moony?"

A soft whisper.

"Padfoot."

The beautiful reply.

"Moony, Moony, Moony...," Sirius leaned forward, wrapping his hand around the back of Remus' neck, pulling him close so that their foreheads touched.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry..." the dog Animagus murmured, shakily.

"Padfoot, I need you to do something for me."

He stared into Remus' eyes expectantly. "Anything. Always."

"Kiss me."

Sirius shook his head. "No, not yet. I can't do that to you. I shouldn't have kissed you before and-"

"I want it, Sirius. Please, Padfoot."

Sirius shut his eyes. He couldn't. He shouldn't. But he knew he would. Remus was like a drug – scarily addictive. Reaching up to cup Remus' face, he brushed a thumb over his lips, almost fainting when he felt the soft breath quickening on his hand. His heart was thudding so fast in his chest; it felt was like it was humming.

As they leaned closer to one another, they accidently banged noses, eliciting a small giggle from Remus' lips. Sirius snorted and pulled back slightly, staring at the man he loved. Remus cocked his head to the side, waiting for Sirius to carry on. When it was evident that Sirius was just going to sit there and stare at him, he took initiative.

Their lips were so close now; they could practically taste each other.

"I love you..."

"I love you too..."

Just as their lips finally met, the door burst open.


	8. Snatched Away

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"STEP AWAY FROM HIM!"

The two men leapt apart, shocked and surprised. Cornelius Fudge stepped through the door, leering. "I knew I was right to look here."

"Cornelius, let me explain-"

"No, Dumbledore, I've seen enough. I've caught you _and _Black red-handed! Hiding a murderer; I never thought you could do such a thing!" he snorted, as though he had always thought the complete opposite to what he had just said.

"Minister-" Dumbledore sent an apologetic look at the two men on the bed. "Look-"

"I don't need to look! I've seen enough! Arrest him and escort him back to the ministry!" He commanded, pointing at the unmoving Black. The two aurors flanking the minister strode forward, wands out.

Sirius snapped back to his senses with a jolt and jumped off of the bed, grabbing Remus' hand as he went. "Don't touch me! I'm warning you."

"What are you going to do, eh? Kill another thirteen people? You don't scare me, Black." Fudge replied twitching slightly.

"Oh really?" Sirius' eyes turned stony and he pulled Remus towards him, so they were standing chest to back.

"Oomphf!" Remus yelped.

"Play along." He muttered, just loud enough so that Remus could hear. The werewolf swallowed and nodded almost imperceptibly.

"If you come any closer, I swear, I'll do it." His wand was out and pointed at Remus' neck.

The two aurors froze. Cornelius narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't do anything to him. You were just kissing him a few minutes ago – _disgusting _behaviour!" Repulsion coloured his tone, so harsh it made Remus flinch.

"I will. Believe me, I will."

Sirius pulled Remus backwards slowly, keeping him at wand point. He was seriously regretting this, Remus seemed awfully uncomfortable. Sirius could hear his breathing quicken and looked for a way to reassure him. Lightly and swiftly, he touched Remus' hand, glad when he felt him relax slightly.

"Get him!_" _Fudge snapped._ "_I don't care – I know he won't do anything to the werewolf!"

The aurors ran forward. "_Stupefy!_"

Sirius shoved Remus out of the way roughly, causing him to fall to the floor with a _thud. _"No!" Remus screamed as the red beams of light collided with the Animagus. He watched, his eyes wide in anguish as his lover fell to the ground, completely still. He knew that he wasn't dead, but that didn't lessen the terror of seeing his Sirius fall to the ground as if in slow motion; his long limbs flailing and his head lolling back.

"Leave him alone! He hasn't done anything!" Remus began to crawl over to Sirius, only to be restrained by the aurors. "Get off of me! Now! He hasn't done anything! Please!"

"He is a mass murderer! As soon as we get back to the Ministry, nobody will have to worry about a dangerous maniac like _him_."

"Why? What are you going to do?" Remus asked fearfully, freezing in his struggles to get away from the aurors briefly.

"I should think that the Dementor's Kiss would be sufficient."

The air seemed to rush out of his lungs and he choked out, "What?! No! Please, Sirius hasn't done _anything!_" They had only just gotten together again; why was this happening? He sent a pleading look towards Dumbledore, only to see that he was staring at Sirius; Remus could tell that he was doing some quick thinking.

_Please, Dumbledore, I beg you, help us!_

"Dumbledore, you're going to have to come with us too. You've been found hiding a convicted murderer for Merlin only knows how long." Fudge raised an eyebrow at the annoyingly composed headmaster. "We should bring the _werewolf_ back too. Obviously it's been in alliance with the murderer." he sneered, "So, what's it going to be, Dumbledore? We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"I'm afraid to say, Cornelius, that none of us will be coming back to the Ministry with you." Dumbledore replied calmly, his eyes flicking over Sirius and Remus. Fudge's face coloured in anger.

"How dare you question me? This insolence has lasted long enough- I **will** wipe this _murderer _off of the streets and I **will **show the entire of the Wizarding World your true colours!"

Dumbledore remained silent, a calculating expression on his face. While Fudge continued to leer at him, he made eye contact with Remus and nodded almost unnoticeably to the window behind the dog Animagus. Remus ignored him; he was _not_ going to leave without Sirius. The two aurors grabbed Sirius arms and all but threw him at Fudge's feet. Remus got up quietly, wary not to attract their attention and picked up Sirius' dropped wand.

Turning to the aurors, he yelled, "_STUPEFY! STUPEFY!_" Remus' eyes were almost hysterical with fear and anger. _How __dare__ they just barge in on them and then behave like this?_ If Sirius got taken away, he would be given the Dementor's Kiss; Remus could_** not**_ let that happen. Sirius couldn't be stolen away again, not so soon after everything that had happened. He _needed _Sirius...

The two men fell, dropping Sirius' arms. Fudge's eyes widened and he turned to face the werewolf in fury. However when he noticed Remus sprinting towards Sirius, he grabbed Black's arm and apparated to the Ministry, the resounding cry of despair from the werewolf echoing after them.

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"We have to do something!" Remus yelled, banging the newspaper on the table. He had just read the headlines on the front page, and God, they made him want to _rip_ Fudge's fucking heart out.

"MASS MURDERER SIRIUS BLACK HAS BEEN FOUND! HANDED OVER TO DEMENTORS THIS WEEK!

Remus' breathing was sporadic. He wanted Sirius back desperately, it was almost physically painful. He had been in agony for the past three days; nightmares plaguing him by night and horrifying images of a soulless Sirius attacking his brain by day. Purple bruises circled Remus' eyes; he had been spending as much time as possible in the library with Harry reading about the magical government, trying to find loopholes. Trying to find _anything_ that would help.

Harry had been furious to say the least; the poor boy had looked as though he wanted to march into the Ministry and punch Fudge's lights out_. _And Remus didn't blame him. Harry had been almost upset as Remus, and the two had banded together to find a way to help Sirius.

"This is so unfair!" cried Hermione suddenly, "This is the second time he's been arrested and imprisoned- and with no trial!" Harry grunted in agreement; his head was cradled in his arms, his shoulders were slumped and his hair was messier than ever.

Remus froze. Wait. What was it that he had read about trials? It was so simple! They had always complained about Sirius not getting a trial, and yet, they never bothered to check whether imprisonment without trial was even allowed! Merlin, Remus felt so stupid. He sprung up from his chair and sprinted into the library. If it was there, in writing, Remus was sure that even Fudge couldn't argue with him. He hurried through the library, pulling books down at random, looking for the one he had gone through just the night before. _There._

Remus opened the book and flipped through the pages, sighing in frustration when some of his hair flopped into his eyes, obscuring his vision. He flicked the tawny locks back and then turned to page 958 in the large tome. There, right at the bottom of the page, in tiny writing, was the statement:

"_All criminals have the rights to a trial, no matter the significance of their crime. If a convict refuses to be questioned, he or she must be subjected to the truth serum, Veritaserum."_

Remus felt hope flare in his stomach; they could get Sirius out of there. They could stop the Ministry from giving him to the Dementors! Remus' brain worked like lightning, working out ways to overcome small obstacles, such as how they would get into the ministry and so on. Soon, a plan had formulated in his head and he was determined that it would work.

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As he slowly stepped into the ministry with the heavy book under his arm, Remus thanked Merlin that Harry had been nice enough to lend him his invisibility cloak. He passed the magnificent fountain and wand check desk with no problems and slipped into the lift just before the doors slid shut. Squeezing himself into a corner, Remus tried to calm down as he took in how small this place was and how it was so full of people.

"... believe that Sirius Black was caught! And here I was thinking that the Ministry could do nothing!" someone in the crowd remarked.

"I know! Did you hear he's going to be given the Dementor's Kiss?" The occupants of the lift shuddered collectively at the thought of the menacing guards of Azkaban.

"Well, he did kill _thirteen_ people... Personally, I think he deserves it." A petite, dark haired woman commented wryly.

The other witches and wizards in the lift nodded, agreeing with her point of view.

Remus, however, was shaking in anger. What right did these people have to make a judgement of Sirius? They didn't even know the whole story. _Exactly, they don't the whole story, but they think they __do__. You can't blame them... You _believed_ the very same thing twelve years ago._

Remus shut his eyes and shook his head, trying to dispel that disturbing thought. He took in deep breaths, willing himself to calm down.

The lift doors opened with a small _ping_ and Remus began to leave, when a toad-like woman flounced in. "Hem hem." She chirped, looking meaningfully at the man closest to the buttons.

"Oh, what floor, Ma'am?" The man replied dutifully.

"Department of Magical Law Enforcement." She ordered curtly. Remus glared at her angrily, knowing **exactly **who this woman was. _She _was at the core of the laws that restrained Remus from ever getting a job or living a vaguely normal life. A surge of hatred welled up in him. _Stupid bitch. _

"Ma'am, are you going to be there when Black is Kissed?" one of the occupants asked curiously.

"Yes, of course I am!" she replied sweetly. "What a week it has been! We've caught the world's worst murderer, second only to You-Know-Who. As well as that, the Ministry had uncovered proof that Dumbledore is not in fact as 'noble' as all you naive people think." Her expression was smug and there was an almost maniacal glint in her eyes.

Remus had to stop himself from lunging at her and wiping that expression _right _off of her toady face.

"Black's up there, right now, awaiting my arrival." Dolores Umbridge held her head up importantly. "Cornelius is just coming with the Dementors and then we'll all be set to go!" To Remus' disgust, she sounded almost excited at the approaching events; it made Remus' stomach lurch. When the lift _pinged_ open once again and Umbridge left, Remus followed her. They walked through a maze of corridors with countless doors. Steadily, he began to feel a chill creeping upon them and he shuddered. Remus _had _to get out of here soon. But not without Sirius. Remus was going to _fight _tooth and nail for him, just as Sirius had done for him.

Suddenly Umbridge stopped outside a door and brought out some keys. After she had unlocked it, she slipped in, shutting the door behind her, narrowly missing catching Remus also entering. He stared shocked when he saw the dark- haired man chained against a wall. The haunted grey eyes glowed in the dark, revulsion swirling within them. His hair was tangled and hung loosely on his shoulders. Sirius started suddenly, his brow creasing when his sharp nose recognised the distinctive scent of Remus seeping into the air.

"Now, Black, the Minister is just about to arrive with the Dementors. I want you to be a good boy and _behave_. Am I clear?" Umbridge simpered.

Sirius ignored her as the scent grew stronger and stronger until he felt heat radiating from next to him. A silky fabric slipped into his limp hand; he could feel the contours of Remus' fingers entwining with his. The dog animagus felt sparks shoot up his arm and suddenly, he felt incredibly _alive_...Sirius eyes fluttered closed, tuning out Umbridge's rant about lunatics and deranged murderers, instead focussing on the reassuring warmth Remus' hand gave.

Remus was here.

He was being _saved._

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	9. Truths

_**I hope you like this chapter!  
Please, review! It'd make my day!  
**_

"Now, Black, the Minister is just about to arrive with the dementors. I want you to be a good boy and behave. Am I clear?" Umbridge simpered.

That deranged maniac wasn't even listening to her! How fucking dare he? She watched as his eyes fluttered shut and his hand shifted slightly. Her eyes narrowed. Sirius Black really needed to learn some manners and discipline.

"Black! I said, am I clear?" she hissed dangerously, wand pointed at him.

Black narrowed his eyes and snorted. A clear answer.

She stomped towards him, anger pounding in her veins. How dare this good-for-nothing piece of shit treat her like that? She grabbed his collar and hauled him towards her, a little surprised at how light he was. "Am I clear, Black?" As she pressed her wand into his neck, she hesitated slightly, feeling slightly uncomfortable. She felt as though there was someone else here, in this very room. And this... this _presence_... it was strong, with heat radiating off of it in waves. The air was thick and the anger and tension embedded within it was almost tangible. Her head snapped up when she heard a slight shuffle next to her. What was going on?

Reassuring herself that it was probably nothing, she dispelled all these irritating thoughts and lifted her eyes to meet Black's.

"You've severely displeased me, Black. And you will be punished."

"Fuck off, you crazy woman! Let me go! Ack, you bitch!"

"Stupefy." She cackled softly as she moved Sirius' unconscious body away from the wall. Dolores Umbridge straightened up, humming to herself. Shivering slightly as she looked around the dark, hollow room.

Stepping delicately over Sirius' limp body, she stalked out of the room, muttering about deranged criminals and ghosts.

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"Sirius! Sirius, come on, get up!" Remus shook the dog Animagus frantically; oh, how he _hated _that toady bitch.

"Enervate!" Remus muttered, tapping Sirius' chest with his wand. The dog Animagus coughed and his eyes fluttered open.

His stormy grey eyes met Remus' amber ones "Remus?! What the hell are you doing here?"

"Are you okay, Pads?" Remus asked, ignoring the question; he threaded his fingers through the silky black locks, sighing at the hopelessness of this whole situation.

"I'm fine. B-but Remus, you need to get out of here! Fudge and Umbridge are gonna be here any minute now!" Sirius cupped the werewolf's cheek.

"If I leave, I'm taking you with me...." Remus smiled grimly, "Besides the door is locked..."

Suddenly the aforementioned door rattled and shook loudly. Remus' breath caught in his throat and his hands stilled in Sirius' hair. "Quick! The cloak!" Sirius whispered frantically, pulling the discarded material over his lover. He pushed him into the corner of the room and then leant against the wall, shaking slightly as he stared at the door fearfully. Fudge couldn't have arrived so quickly?

The door slammed open, making Sirius flinch. Remus stared as the looming figure stood in the doorway, covered in swathes of black cloth. Who is it?

The werewolf had to suppress an audible gasp when the figure stepped into the light. Long, platinum blond hair, steely silver eyes, aristocratic features... and he knew, a dark mark burned onto his left arm.

Lucius Malfoy.

"Why, hello, dear cousin." Malfoy sneered at the dark haired man as he walked toward the slumped body. Remus' breathing grew heavy and panicked. _What the hell is he doing here?_

Malfoy stared down at Black, leering at the animagus.

"What the fuck do you want?" Sirius narrowed his eyes, arrogance and annoyance colouring his tone.

Lucius stared at him, an unreadable expression on his face. "I always knew you would be caught. You're simply too stupid..." His tone was condescending as his cold silver eyes met Sirius' stormy grey ones.

"I'm here to make you a deal." The blond started pacing the small length of the room, tapping his hand with his cane. "Yes, Black, you heard right. A deal."

"I'm not making any bloody deal with the likes of you!" Sirius snorted in disbelief. Remus scrunched up his eyes, praying that Lucius Malfoy would just leave already. Gods, he felt so sick... The room was spinning around him and his stomach churned horribly. The werewolf blinked rapidly several times, trying to clear his blurring vision; he had to focus on the two other men on the room. If Malfoy fucking _touched _Sirius...

"I heard that you didn't get a trial." Malfoy stated, eyes meeting Sirius', a perfect blond eyebrow raised.

"And? What's that got to do with you? Why the hell do you care?" Sirius retorted, eyes flicking to the corner Remus was situated in.

"If you do this one thing for me, I'll get you a trial _and _make sure it goes in your favour."

Sirius eyes narrowed and he swallowed. What was going on? What the fuck did Malfoy want from him?

"What do you want?"

"Remus Lupin."

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Remus' breath hitched in his throat and he froze.

_No._

The werewolf had to suppress a horrified gasp; _nobody _could know he was here.

A shiver rippled through him, chilling him to the very core. The dizziness came back full-force and he slid down the wall until he was slumped against it. His breathing grew sporadic and shallow and he could feel a hot dampness on his cheeks. His heart rate sky rocketed and all he could hear was the blood pounding in his ears. Small beads of sweat formed on his brow and his head throbbed.

_"What do you want?"_

_"Remus Lupin."_

No, he could never go back to Malfoy.

**_Never._**

_"If you do this one thing for me, I'll get you a trial and make sure it goes in your favour."_

But Sirius...

Sirius could be **free**.

Remus' mind went haywire, relentless thoughts and questions hammering around in his brain. The werewolf closed his eyes, clutching his wand tightly, trying to gain some semblance of control over himself. He needed to calm down.

It wasn't working.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Sirius stared at him shock, disbelief and horror shining in his eyes. "Why the hell would I give you Remus?" His voiced rose as each word left his lips. "I can't believe you." He pushed himself up until he was standing and at eye level with the blond. He was shaking, pink blotches staining his cheeks. Rage consumed him; that stupid fuck wanted _Remus_?!

Why?

What had Remus ever done to him?

"Are you sure?" Malfoy's expression remained composed as he completely disregarded Sirius' overwhelming anger.

"Yes, I'm sure!" Sirius roared, grabbing Malfoy's collar and raising his fist furiously.

"You're not." Quick as a flash Malfoy's wand was pressing into Sirius' throat, staring at him until his fist gradually lowered to his side.

"I will never give you Remus... Never in a million years. Kill me. Whatever. You'll _never _have Remus..." Before Malfoy could reply, he added, "Why do you even want him?"

The blond studied him for a few seconds, until he smirked, "He never told you what happened to him all those weeks ago, did he?"

Eyes widening, Sirius' gaze flicked to Remus' corner. _What?_

"What do you mean? You know?" Sirius frowned, a horrible feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

"_Know_? I was _there_." Malfoy's insufferable smirk remained on his face as his silver eyes took in the horror-struck expression on Sirius' face.

"WHAT?"

"Oh yes, I was there. And I know exactly what happened to him. I watched as he was beaten..." here, Malfoy began to circle around Sirius slowly, watching as the Animagus' anger grew almost tenfold as he continued. By now, his voice had lowered to a dangerous hiss. "I watched as he was tortured... as he was choked... I stood by his cage on the full moon, watching as the poor, poor beast almost killed himself."

Malfoy smiled at the maelstrom of emotion glowing in Sirius' eyes. Sirius shook visibly, fury coursing through his veins. So _this _bastard had been the reason for everything Remus had gone through; _this _bastard had been the one to leave him half dead; _this _had been the bastard that had made Remus **forget**.

"YOU-" He began, jumping on the blond, fist raised as both men fell to the ground, punching, screaming, kicking and scratching. Finally, the blond pushed his wand against Sirius' ribs, digging it in. "_Petrificus totalus_!" he panted.

Sirius froze, legs snapping together and arms fixing at his sides. Lucius pushed the petrified body away and it landed on the ground with a thump.

Malfoy sat up, straightening his hair and clothes. Kneeling beside the dark haired man, he whispered maliciously, "But most of all, I loved breaking him. I _loved _seeing the defeat in his eyes. I loved how slowly, day by day, he stopped fighting as much. And then one day, he didn't say _anything _as he was dragged out of his cell; he'd surrendered his body to us. He was finally broken.

"And _I _did it _all_."

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